Checking in

Having a wonderful time with the girls. Games, laughter and lots of good food. What a relaxing time!

It just wouldn't do

Once Andi saw a little boy Sophie's age who knew his birthday, I told myself that within 3 days Sophie would know hers. It only took one.

I told Andi that the little boy was also potty trained....game on.

Packing

No posts since Monday - what's up with that? Tuesday, Zac came out before his CASA training class and I played games with him, Andi and Big Guy. Wednesday, we went to our friends to play all afternoon. They are moving to Virginia when their house sells, and we will miss them dearly. Yesterday, I visited my CASA kids and then went to dinner with some friends - who also happen to be caseworkers. We went to The Feedmill in Poseyville and it was delicious.

I have all the essentials packed. Heating pad - ice bag - therapy devices - pain pills - breathing machine. I feel like I'm headed to geriatric camp. I did throw in a few goodies. Cheesecake and chocolate cake. I'm also picking up a blueberry crumb pie and a chocolate pecan pie from the Grand Traverse pie company when I go pick up Molly this morning.

Where's Molly? At the Humane Society getting her stuff "fixed". I have to pick her up at 7:30. So I best be getting into the shower.

Since the day I started talking

I haven't gone so long without talking to my dad. We went to Illinois today to visit my mom. Along the way we passed all kinds of places -- the gas station where he would take the kids to get candy or ice cream -- the creek where he would stop and get out of the truck with them to look for turtles -- the road to his house. We had lunch at the coffee shop where we ate with him countless times. On the way home, I went to the lumber yard where we made so many cool discoveries together, only he wasn't there to share all my great finds.

It's been 3 weeks today and today was a hard day. A very hard day. I miss my dad.

Dear blog,

This morning I find these things are a tidge bit irritating:

1. Not being able to move my legs under my desk because I have a dog laying on each foot.

2. Numb feet.

3. Not being able to roll my desk chair because I will roll over some part of a dog, causing a dog to yelp loudly.

4. Yelping dogs.

5. Completing my taxes and hitting the print button, only to come back later and seeing that for some reason -- although they look perfectly normal on screen, they printed out in some freaky language. It says my first name is QFSSJ!

6. Wasting 32 pages of ink on printed tax returns that are useless.

7. Having to buy more ink before I can try again.

That's it for now -- talk to you later.

Love QFSSJ!

All about mom

Cut and paste these questions and ask your kids their answers. I did this on my Facebook page, but then Andi added her answers to this version, so her answers will be before Jacob's.

Jacob age 11, Carly age 10, Wesley age 9 & Ryan age 9 answered mine Answers will be in that order - too lazy to type their names every time.

1. What is something mom always says to you?
A - Hey, whatcha doin? Wanna come over for dinner?
J- I love you - come give me a hug
C- I love you
W - I love you - do you school work
R- What's the question again? (That was him asking me, not the other way around.)

2. What makes mom happy?
A - spending time with family and friends.
J - No fighting
C - A clean house
W - Minding
R - Listening to her (hmmm. see above answer of Ryan's)

3. What makes mom sad?
A- When Duke loses
J - When we disobey her.
C - Pappaw's gone
W - Sad movies
R - Her father died

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
A- We just usually find the same things funny & feed off each other like sharks. We aren't allowed to sit next other at church any more.
J - Rubs my belly and says Nanna Nanna Nanna
C - Doing funny dance moves to groovy music
W - Doing funny faces
R - Lip synching

5. What was your mom like as a child?
A- Cute - I look just like she did. Had some righteous glasses.
J - dorky
C - outside shooting guns
W - being funny
R - being funny

6. How old is your mom? (48)
A- 29
J - 41
C - 49
W - 48
R - 48

Jacob then said, "I was wrong? Do you like my answer best though?" Why yes, I did.

7. How tall is your mom?
A - 5'8"
J - 11 foot 12
C - really taller than me
W - 600 feet
R 70 pounds

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
A - Play games
J - Play spelling games
C - watch TV
W - playing scrabble
R - going to places she likes

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
A- Mourn
J - Dance to 80s music in her bra and panties
C - Play poker at Sherie's house
W - Going to WalMart and not bring me a toy
R - Going to errands

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
A- cheesecake
J - a professional 80s dancer
C - the best cook in the world
W - the best nose blower in the world
R - being a rock star

11. What is your mom really good at?
A- dang near everything and it's irritating as all get out. Organization!
J - listening and reading
C - baking cheesecake
W - making food
R - being a teacher

12. What is your mom not very good at?
A- Realizing the obvious - such as why a scarecrow is called a scarecrow.
J - exercising
C - riding bikes
W - being a professional nose blower
R - being a go go dancer

13. What does your mom do for a job?
A- What does she not do?
J - she's a mom for a living
C - CASA work
W - Be our teacher
R - taking care of children

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
A- Meat Loaf - sounds nicer than Milk duds
J - Wild West shrimp from Longhorns
C - Chinese
W - Roast beef sandwiches
R - Hamburger w/ ketchup and dehydrated onions from McDonald's

15.What makes you proud of your mom?
A - that we have a relationship where we can tell each other anything - even when she would rather that I didn't.
J - She's the best mom ever
C - She's the really best mom
W - She beat me in scrabble (he's 9 - big accomplishment)
R - She's a good mom

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
A - Dudley Doright
J - Captain Underpants
C - Mickey Mouse
W - Super power ranger
R - Sponge Bob

17. What do you and your mom do together?
A- Everything except sex - that would be creepy.
J - Cook
C - Go shopping
W - play games, cook
R - go out to eat

18. How are you and your mom the same?
A- Our sense of humor & our double chin(s) & most of our pet peeves
J - we are both chubby little dorks
C - have the same haircut
W - we wear glasses
R - we have brown eyes

19. How are you and your mom different?
A- She is way more organized than I am. I have a very disorganized sense of organization.
J - She doesn't have braces
C - I don't wear glasses
W - She's a girl
R - I'm little

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
A- Because she is always, always, always, always there for me whenever for whatever. because she's smart enough to realize that although I'm a grown woman, I still need my momma.
J - She gets me everything I NEED, not everything I want. She homeschools us.
C - She teaches me stuff
W - She just loves us.
R - She adopted us. She doesn't want me to stay at Oakdale all day.

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
A - The fact that they're divorced but they get along great and he is so nice to my little brothers and sister.
J - They are just meant for each other.
C - He doesn't yell all the time.
W - He keeps us from being poor.
R - He takes her on dates.

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
A- Longhorns followed by the Grand Traverse Pie Company for Blueberry crumb pie
J - Longhorns
C - Longhorns
W - Mickey D's
R - I forgot all the restaurant's names.

The Girls Weekend Out

9 of my friends and I are having a weekend away next week. It will be a good old fashioned lock-in. From the time we arrive Friday at our 5 bedroom cabin by the lake, till we leave on Sunday afternoon, there will be nothing but relaxing and fun. No outside responsibilities allowed. I have been looking forward to this weekend for 2 months and as it gets closer, I get happier :) I can't wait!

So who threw the clothes out

of the drawer and climbed in to sit for a spell? Keegan would like for you to think it was someone besides him. I'm not buying it.

A perfect fit........

for now.

Overheard by my police officer son in law

across the kitchen....... "Tomorrow's chicken nugget day at school."

He got his new office at the high school today and he's very excited about tomorrow's menu in the school cafeteria.

Then -- as he was blowing on the Jimmy Dean Pancake and Sausage dog to cool it down for Sophie, he muttered, "Whoever made these was a genius."

You know you've taken too many videos when

you can't even function without cheesin' for the camera.

PS. Sometimes real life comes before hair brushing.

PPS. Keegan is wearing his new squeaky shoes.

Sophie's eyes

True, they appear to be different shapes, but you never have to guess what she's thinking behind them.

Andi & Zac or Sophie & Keegan

in a few months? I can tell that Sophie and Keegan are going to love each other just as much as Andi and Zac did. That was such a sweet time - I look forward to re-living it watching my grandbabies.

It's been two weeks since dad died.

For the most part, we've been doing OK. I did tear up in Wal-Mart the other day when I bought ice cream. I don't think I'll ever buy ice cream without thinking of daddy. It was the cure all for everything in his opinion. A day without ice cream was almost unheard of. Till the day he died, if he didn't eat anything all day, when I showed up with a cup of strawberry swirl, his mouth would automatically fall open as if to say, "What took you so long?"

Our Valentines Day was spent as every one has been since our adoption 6 years ago -- watching movies of the adoption day party. This always just leads to watching home movies in general. The kids love Valentines Day for this reason if no other.

So I watched movies for 6 hours and Dad was in so many of them. Christmas videos, Easter egg hunts and birthdays all included him. The kids laughed hysterically at Andi's wedding reception video where Pappaw was holding the pinata up out of Big Guy's way while he was just swinging that stick with all his might into thin air. On a side note, if your wedding reception did not included pinatas in the park, you missed out.

Every time I would leave the room to do something it would just be a few minutes until I would hear, "Look, there's Pappaw!" The movies were an affirmation of how blessed I've been feeling.

I NEVER thought I would think of dementia as a blessing. But after his death, I saw it as exactly that. If my dad had just dropped over dead, still in his prime like he was in those movies, our family would have been devastated. As it was, we were praying for his suffering to end.

As I discussed this later that night with Vicki, I told her that I could now see how his dementia had been a gift to us. Not one he chose, but a gift just the same. Then she asked if I thought he would have chosen it.

I had already thought of that and was able to answer without pause. Yes. I think, if he thought that it would make his death easier for his family to accept, he would have gone through it all. The paranoia, the loss of his dignity, his ability to care for himself, and losing his memory -- he would have suffered through it all again for his family.

He loved us that much.

A good time was had by all

Today was our homeschool co-op's Valentine Day party. I was in charge of the party games and my friend, Carrie, was in charge of crafts. Together we threw a great party where all the kids had a blast. These pictures are from the game where they had to eat fruit rollups off of a clothesline - blindfolded. Except for the cute little kids - we let them slide by without the blindfold.

We played several fun games, made 2 crafts, had snacks and exchanged Valentines - not bad for an afternoon's fun.

Keegan didn't attend the party, so I thought I'd just throw in a random picture of him playing with Molly.

Sympathy cards

I have a pile of beautiful sympathy cards sitting on my desk. I can re-read them and feel the love in the handwritten words of my friends.

Over the next few days, I will be expecting a few more. Not of the same variety though. These ones will be from my "friends", who love nothing more than to by "sympathetic" when Duke loses to North Carolina.

So bring 'em on. I'll mix them in the other pile and pretend you are serious when you say something like, "Sorry for your loss."

I may be exceptionally clean

the next few months. I have figured out that physical therapy done under the pounding, hot water in the shower doesn't hurt nearly as bad. So it may be 3 showers a day for the foreseeable future.

PT = Pain & Torture

Sure, some people might know PT as Physical Therapy. Those are the people who haven't met my therapist, Andy. Andy "started me out easy" today and if today's workout was easy, then hard is going to be horrid.

Andy thinks in 8 weeks, I'll be lifting things easily. And in 12 - 16 weeks, I'm gonna feel great. Good. I'm ready for great.

My Dad's Eulogy - by his younger brother

The Magic Man

He was the Magic Man. From my first memories of him, he was something special. My brother, Carroll Edmondson, was 18 years old when I was born. I’m sure he was embarrassed when I first came along. Somehow you just don’t understand how your parents could do this to you. But they dropped a new sibling on him, and thus began a friendship that will never end.

He was the Magic Man. In my early years, I didn’t quite understand who was ‘Butch’, who was ‘Junior’, and who was ‘Carroll.’ Probably about third grade, I came to find out they were all the same person. And my oldest brother became even more important to me. He was a coal miner whom everyone seemed to know. He would light up a room as soon as he entered. Whether it was performing a sleight of hand trick or telling one of his many jokes, he would brighten anyone’s day.

He was the Magic Man. When my church needed someone to take over the boys’ youth group, my brother stepped forward, and trust me, our youth group was never the same. He basically took the Bible and explained it in terms 12 year olds could understand. I’m still amazed that he explained to us that if Jesus had ridden a motorcycle, he would have saved the souls of many more people because he could have covered a lot more ground. I still have friends who remember the youth fishing trip to Uniontown. We had all piled in an old station wagon for the journey home. My brother backed the car up in Uniontown . . . and never stopped backing up until we made it to Sturgis. It was just something he did that we would remember for a lifetime . . . and we have.

He was the Magic Man . . . raising three children to respect God and be compassionate. Always being there for his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. They all knew him as ‘Pappaw.’ They all seem to have inherited that twinkle he had in his eyes. And I’m sure he amazed them along the way with his card tricks or by pulling a coin from their ears. As for his siblings, we could not have asked for a better brother. He was always there for us no matter what . . . and today, we are here for him.

He was the Magic Man. His mischievous smile broke more than a few ladies’ hearts. His whimsical demeanor made him a lot of friends. His choice of magic tricks to enthrall was never greater than on a trip he and I took to Louisville one day for a gun show. On the way home, we came upon an accident. There was a woman and her three small children. The woman had a broken leg and several cuts. Luckily for the children, seat belts had done their jobs. But when you’re seven or five or four, you don’t understand why your mom is hurt. As I tended to the woman’s injuries, the crying of the children stopped. As I turned, Butch was already into his magic show, and the children’s minds were now focused on a piece of tissue that kept disappearing.

He was the Magic Man. Even as time and the severity of his illness began to rob him of his faculties, he fought hard to maintain his candor. The tricks became a little more obvious and the jokes were retold. But the sparkle in his eye was still there. On February 2, 2009, with his family at his side, Butch made his own decision to go home and be with Jesus Christ. I’m sure my brother Roger was waiting on him, so they could surprise my parents together. And probably about this time, he’s sitting with Jesus Christ telling him to ‘. . . pick a card . . . any card.’ After all, he was the Magic Man.

The funeral

was wonderful - if that can be said about a funeral. I got through it without any major squalling fits because all I had to do was think of how he was in the last few months of his life and there was no way I could possibly begrudge him leaving us. Nursing home vs. God's kingdom -- a no brainer.

My older brother got up and welcomed everyone, explained what we were going to do and thanked them all for coming.

My uncle read a beautiful eulogy entitled "The Magic Man" that he had written about his big brother. It summed up dad's life perfectly and was filled with stories from their youth.

Next was a time of sharing for anyone who wanted to say anything and the first one up was my ex-husband, Steve. Steve has always loved my dad - we started dating shortly after his own had died and Pappaw just "finished" raising Steve, so to speak. His words were sweet and from the heart and despite the fact that this 6' 8" man is crying, I still held it together.

Gotta love Xanax is all I can say about that. With the xanax working it's magic on my physical being and many prayers being said, I found myself walking to the podium - something I can never have imagined doing in a thousand years. I told everyone who I was -- and that I was dad's favorite. I don't know why, but it made everyone laugh and that would have made dad happy.

I spoke a little about my dad, explaining how everyone had told me last week, over and over, "I'm sorry about your dad.", and that I had always wanted to reply, "That's not my dad." Then I read my own thoughts about my dad that I wrote last week on the night he died.

Andi stood by my side on my right and out of the crowd, emerged my friend, Vicki Alvey to stand on my left, both of them to physically and emotionally support me and to finish reading if necessary. I love good friends.

My little brother spoke next and read a letter he had written about our childhood and that made me smile. My mom told about her last conversation with my dad - after he was in the nursing home, and he had told her he was proud of all 3 of his kids.

Lastly, Big Guy stood up - totally shocking me. He has already dealt with the death of his dad and his step dad and he loved Pappaw dearly. And hates funerals with a passion. He got to the podium and then stood, unable to speak through his tears. Andi went to him and he finally spoke. He told about Pappaw and how he was the only one who could calm Sophie when she was colicky. He would just whisper in her ear and she would quiet down. He talked a bit more about things that Pappaw had done with them and then took his seat.

At last it was time for my nephew, Jeremy, to preach his message of salvation. And he crumbled like a cookie in milk. He was Pappaw's first grandchild, born before Pappaw was even 40. He was Pappaw's constant sidekick from the earliest of age - much like Sophie is to me. I'm sure he had thousands of memories comforting him over the last week.

After a few minutes he was able to begin. He held up a 5 X 7 picture, telling everyone he thought it might be the last picture of Pappaw made while Pappaw was still cognizant. Jeremy relayed how he had told Pappaw that the picture might not be that good, because Jeremy looked scruffy and it was made with a camera phone, but Pappaw had replied, "That's OK, I'll still look handsome." Oh that dad of mine was something else.

Jeremy was able to deliver a beautiful message of salvation and afterwards, as the family stood by the casket for everyone to pass by for their final good byes, Jeremy stood at the back of the room, speaking with anyone who had questions about salvation. As I hugged person after person, I noticed several people around him, talking.

A very brief ceremony at the graveside followed, where Andi finally did what I had been waiting for her to do all day -- she cried like a kid who was having their favorite plaything taken away. All along though, her tears haven't been so much for her - she has memories that will last her a lifetime. She mourns for Sophie - wondering if she will remember how much Pappaw loved her -- and how much Sophie loved him right back. She was one of his favorite topics of conversation, always telling people what that girl was up to.

So it was done finally and we were faced with the prospect of "The Family Dinner." And I was just not up for that. Instead, we headed the other way and along with the Alveys, stopped at a great restaurant we had heard about. We feasted on ribs, steaks and gater tail. Yep - gater tail. I was not that much of a fan, but everyone else liked it. I think my piece was just a bit chewy, but it taste like fried chicken. We topped it off with some of Pappaw's favorite desserts and came on home.

I did work at the youth center last night, but they closed early and I was in bed by 11. For the first time in a week, I slept all night, not even waking once - until 7:30 this morning.

My dad may be gone, but the love he had for his family lives on and I know there will be many references to him over the years. Especially funny things which will be followed with "Pappaw would have loved this."

This is it - Funeral Day

Bleck. I hate it when people say, "Doesn't he/she look good?" when they are talking about a dead person. I always tend to think they just look dead. However, my dad looked not only good, but also healthy and about 20 years younger. Sickness can really age you.

I tried to tell Jacob how much better Pappaw looked but you could see his head thinking like his momma. I think it will give him a sense of peace to see his Pappaw. At least I hope so.

I heard so many stories about my dad yesterday - some new, some he had told me himself. It was as I suspected - he had always been a character. And a good guy.

Yesterday was a VERY long day. So much so that at the half way point, I'm sure I could have organized a band of merry followers to parade through the funeral home chanting, "Half way done. Half way done." As was fitting the life my dad enjoyed though, we had a good day in spite of the reason for being there. I'm sure there are many moments that will live forever in our memories of different antics.

My dad will be buried today with a nickle in his ear (the one away from the crowd) that Andi put there, a tribute to the thousands he had "pulled out" of his ear over the years.

Pappaw's oldest grandson, Jeremy will be preaching a service at the funeral today. I can't imagine having to do that.

Every since Atticus came to live with us, when I would come home from visiting dad, he would be all over me, sniffing as if to say, "Hey, I know that smell." It was sad to come home and have Atticus do nothing more than come over to be petted before laying down at my feet. I suppose even Pappaw's scent is gone if he can't smell it.

The best part of the day came in the form of a delightful 2 year old named Sophie. She is such a joy and social butterfly. She was playing with everyone, young and old. When she arrived, she had a huge medal around her neck.........

From the school Big Guy graduated from yesterday. He received the award for Top Student. Makes me even happier that we didn't ask him to have to decide between school and Pappaw. I'm sure he will do a wonderful job for our community.

I know I don't have to say this, but I'm going to anyway - your prayers would be appreciated today.

It's gettin' real now

The Land of Limbo is no more. I'm getting ready to shower and head out the door for dad's visitation. It will be an all day ordeal and I would appreciate your prayers.

Big Guy also graduates this morning and will begin teaching the drug resistance programs in the elementary schools next week. I am so proud of him.

Life lesson of the day

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are physically unable to lift your arm over your head to shave your armpits, putting your palm on the shower wall and squatting down does not accomplish the goal either.

It just makes you look ridiculous.

Limbo

Time stands still - yet marches on. I sleep about 4 hours a night. In short shifts. Upon awakening, my first thought is "My dad is dead." How long does that last? I don't know, but once it isn't the first thought, I have no doubt that at some point during every day for the rest of my life, that thought will cross my mind.

God is comforting me with affirmations I don't really need, but so appreciate anyway. When I woke up tonight at about 2, I came in and turned on the radio and the song I was humming to dad as he died was playing. This afternoon, Zac and I were shopping for some shoes for him to wear to the funeral. My IPOD was playing, but when the playlist finished, I clicked over to the radio and the song was playing then also. That was the only other time I listened to the radio today. God is cool that way.

At times the waves of grief come crashing at me and it's all I can do to stand. It's at those moments when I know it's the arms of my heavenly father and the prayers of my friends that continue to hold me up.

The little kids are doing pretty well. Pappaw was Carly's most favorite person on earth, yet like me, she has been grieving for months, so that has made this easier for her than if he had just died a healthy, happy man. Still, she has chosen, along with Wes and Ryan to not attend the funeral.

Jacob will be the only one going to the funeral and I would appreciate your prayers for him. He is standing by me in the ocean of grief waves. Last night - or I guess Tuesday night now, since it's 4 am, I was going to try to get some sleep, but right when I was going to bed, he got upset. Instead of sleeping, he and I spent the next 3 hours looking up scriptures and praying. I think it helped when I had him make a list of the 10 things that he thought Pappaw liked to do best in the world. Once he could tangibly see that there wasn't one thing on that list that Pappaw was still able to do, he was able to let him go a bit more.

The funeral will be Saturday. I know that's a long time from Monday, but Big Guy is away at school in Kentucky to become the school liaison police officer. If he had left school, he would not have graduated. Knowing how proud Pappaw was of him when he got that job, we all wanted to wait until he could be there. Andi and Sophie will be making the trip to see him graduate Friday.

My shoulder is feeling pretty good - unless someone hugs me. Which people tend to do when your dad dies. I've already figured out there's no polite way to say, "Please don't hug me.", so I take a pain pill before leaving the house. And hug back, thankful to have friends who care.

In a very bizarre way of thinking, the pain is almost comforting. I injured my arm lifting my dad after a fall when he was staying with me and I was taking care of him. It's like it reaffirms that I did my best for him. I told you - bizarre.

All in all, life goes on and I'm going to go with it. I've made a conscious decision to TRY and not sit and flounder in grief. If I did, I think my dad would kick my butt. Besides, truthfully, crying all the time is painful for me. My nose gets so sore, I get a sinus headache and my eyes burn like crazy.

I have several things scheduled where I will need to be able to appear to be happy or it's just gonna be a drag for those around me. My first thought was to just cancel them. One is chaperoning at Studio Bee Saturday night -- the day of the funeral. At first, I actually did tell them I needed a replacement, but after thinking about it, I decided to go ahead and do it. Several times daddy talked about what a great place that was for the kids to be able to go to day camp or just go and hang out. So we are going to do that. And I hope they have fun. Pappaw would have liked that for them.

Next week, I'm in charge of a Valentine's Day party for our homeschool field trip group. I chose this months ago since Valentine's Day is so special in our house. Pondering throwing a party for 40 people right now seems inconceivable. But knowing my daddy would love nothing more than to have been right in the middle of it, entertaining the kids, I will do the same. Not with the same enthusiasm as he would have done it, but with the help of wonderful friends, it will get done.

Well, this post has certainly gone on forever. That's one of the problems of being up alone in the middle of the night. No interruptions. However, after I hit spell check and was just about to hit post, my email dinged. This verse of the day was in my email....

Thursday 2/5/2009
In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. ~ Psalm 5:3, NLT

So hear my voice today O Lord. Keep the waves at bay for me.

That wasn't my dad -

the man sitting in the wheel chair with his head hung down. My dad was the guy out pushing me on my bike, teaching me to drive a motorcycle, taking me camping and boating. He was the guy who would drive me to the river in his old blue truck, just so we could skip rocks and talk.

That wasn't my dad - the man who didn't know what year it was. My dad was the guy who never missed a play his grandkids were in, who came to their activities, who welcomed his great grandchildren into the family with words of wisdom whispered into their tiny ears.

That wasn't my dad - the man who couldn't feed himself any longer. My dad was the guy who was at my table for every holiday meal, putting his order in ahead of time for his favorite desserts. He was the guy who would get up at the crack of dawn to go get fresh donuts at the local bakery.

That wasn't my dad - the guy who garbled non sense. My dad was the guy who said things like, "Well, if that don't beat anything I ever did see." or "Dadgumit." and you knew exactly what he meant.

That wasn't my dad - the man who couldn't talk any longer. My dad was the guy people were drawn to in a room. He was the one entertaining the kids with card and magic tricks and the adults with jokes and stories from his youth. He was the man who would break into songs that he made up on the spot.

That wasn't my dad - the man who didn't know his family. My dad was the guy who loved his family with more than just words. He loved us with his actions. He loved us with his presence. He loved us with his whole being.

That wasn't my dad - the man who stared vacantly. My dad was the guy who had the same big brown eyes I see every time I look into Andi's. He was the guy who would take me out shooting guns and did the same with my kids. He was the guy who had mischief shine in his eyes.

That wasn't my dad - the man who didn't walk any more. My dad was the guy who played Army with all the neighborhood kids. He was the guy who would toss me up in the air in the swimming pool when I was a little girl. He was the guy I worked along side of willingly - just to get to spend time with him.

As I sat holding my dad's hand, praying God's will over him, I kept humming the song, "There Will Be A Day" quietly. As he left this world for his eternal home, I was able to let him go, knowing that I have the assurance that there will be a day when we will be together again and I will be with both my dad and my Heavenly Father.

Let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting Him...Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise.
~ Hebrews 10:22-25, NLT

My daddy died today

surrounded by his family. I was able to hold his hand and tell him how much I loved him as Jesus welcomed him into heaven. It was as if it were happening to someone else, but when the funeral home director asked me to sign the paper so they could take him away, I knew it was all too real.

My dad loved to laugh more than any person I ever met. He loved to tell jokes and play jokes and he had quit laughing at all the last few months. My dad was my cheerleader, my staunch supporter, my firm ground -- and I loved him more than words can ever describe.

He told me a few months ago that no matter what we were doing together, he always had a good time -- even if it was the most horrible work, we had fun doing it together. And that I was one of his best friends - as he was mine.

He was a good man - a kind man. And without a doubt one of the best pappaws to ever have the name. This evening, I am able to praise God that my dad did not linger for years in the nursing home. That he did not suffer in his passing. And that all of his family could be there to say goodbye.

I know my dad now has his dignity back, his ability to walk and talk back and his laughter is no doubt resounding in heaven. Above all, I praise God for allowing me to have such a wonderful dad who I was so proud to call my own.

MUCH BETTER TODAY

Today, I actually feel better than before surgery. My arm still hurts a lot if I move it, but before surgery it hurt whether I moved it or not, so this is progress to me. I'm not supposed to move it much or lift anything for a week, so I'm following those directions carefully. I don't want to undo what has been done. Thank you for your prayers.