Pappaw's Bear for Carly

I gave Carly the bear that I had made for her out of Pappaw's pajama's pants.  She loved it as much as I thought she would.

9 years without a dad

It doesn't even seem possible.  I remember every detail of the day he died as if it were yesterday.  Because he wouldn't want us to be sad, Jacob, Shaun and I went out to lunch and enjoyed a big dessert with ice cream.  Then, just to make sure we had our bases covered, went out for more ice cream later with Zac and Wes.  Andi was sick all day and even though she didn't feel like eating, I think Pappaw would have convinced her that ice cream would make her feel better.

I was talking to Ryan the other day and he told me that over Christmas break, while he was visiting his biological sister in Kentucky, he saw a dog that looked like Atticus. After talking to the owner, he discovered it WAS Atticus.  His sister lives in the town of the lady I gave Atticus to. Ryan did not know that, so I have no doubt he did indeed see Atticus.  That made my heart happy. 

Pappaw's bears

I found a pair of my daddy's pj pants and had some stuffed bears made for Andi and me.  Hers even has his name tag that was ironed inside of them.  I LOVE them.  They are such a sweet memory of him. 

Things from Pappaw

Napkin doodle

Bound to happen.

3:53 text from Andi: Gave K Pappaw's knife. He is so tickled. He just keeps practicing opening and closing it.

3:54 text from Andi: And he's already cut himself. Bound to happen.

Happy Birthday to my dad and a present for me

Today was my dad's birthday.  We celebrated in grand style.  The kids and I picked up David and Kathy first thing this morning.  Then, we headed to Illinois where I picked up something else.

A new Suburban has joined our family.  It has so many options it may take a year or so to figure it all out. But I told the kids I would keep it at least 2 months before trading it. They love to give me a hard time about the short time I keep vehicles.

 

But this one I think will stick around awhile. It seats us all nicely and has lots of luggage room.

 

After we got done at the dealer, we headed to Lotawata Creek for lunch. One of my favorite places to go - and now Jacob's as he tackled this massive sandwich. The sandwich won and half came home in a box with us.

 

 

We spent the rest of the day shopping around Fairview Heights, Illinois, before heading home to stop at the Nisbet Inn for dinner.  I've only ever been there once before - with daddy. We ate, talked about him, laughed at so many memories. And had desserts. All his favorites, cobblers, coconut pie and ice cream. Always ice cream.  He would have loved to have been there.

 

And we would have loved to have him there. 

 

 

I love this picture of my dad. It is the one of the last, best pictures I have of him.  It was taken near the end of his life, on a rare good day. He knew who he was, he knew who I was and we had a wonderful day together. We walked the track at the nursing home and sat in the sunshine and talked for hours. It was the best sunburn of my life.

 

I miss my daddy.

Going Home again

Today on our way to the lake, we meandered through western Kentucky.  I showed the kids my stomping grounds growing up. We went and talked to the people who own the house I grew up in and I took a picture of the driveway to show Keegan. Just yesterday, I was telling him how big the hill was that I used to ride my bike down. We stopped by the cemetery where my dad is buried. The kids had never been there. 

We also went to Patti's restaurant for lunch.  They LOVED it.

6 years - and it doesn't make me miss him any less

Today is the anniversary of my dad's death.  I miss him.  So much I'd like to talk to him about. So much I'd love to tell him.  So, so much.

Carly misses him as well. He was, without a doubt, her most favorite person in the entire world. She wrote this beautiful tribute to him today on her Facebook page.

I remember those times when you used to carry me on your shoulders and I'd feel like I was the queen of everything. I remember when we used to go on long car ri...des and you'd sing some song that I never quite understood. I remember those times when you'd take me out to go get ice cream because you said ice cream made everything better. I remember those times when I would sit in your lap and you'd tell me story after story about what you did while you were growing up. I remember those times when you would let me steer your old truck down the old highways. I remember those times when we would just lay on the ground and we'd look up at the sky and just talk. I miss all of those times we had together. I miss being able to talk with you and hearing your laugh. I know you're in a better place now but I still wish that you were still here. One day though I'll get to see you again. For now though I'll just remember all the good times I had with you. I love you Pappaw.

Happy birthday, Pappaw!

Love you.  Miss you.  Always.  We will be having some ice cream today as we 

think about you and how much you loved us all.

.

4 LONG years

Today marks 4 years since I held my daddy's hand as he left this world behind. So much has happened in that time.  Some of it  would make him proud, while other stuff would have broken his heart.

I miss him.  Every day.  There are times I still cry when I think about him.  Times when my first thought is "Daddy would have loved this." He's never far from my mind.

One day this week as Keegan and I took a little rest, I spent an hour telling him stories of Pappaw.  I told him stories of how we would go camping and roast marshmallows, fly kites, ride bikes, play army men and cards.  I told him how we would walk and hold hands, tell jokes and laugh at things together. I explained how I knew how to do so many different things because Pappaw had taken the time to show me. I told Keegan it didn't matter what we were doing, whether it was fun or not, I enjoyed it because I was with my daddy.

I told him how my daddy would take me with him places and we would have long talks in the truck,  play in the yard and work together on projects.  I told him how much he loved ice cream and animals.   And his family. 

I told Keegan about how much Pappaw loved him ~~ even though he only got to see him a few times, he loved him and always would.

Keegan, always intuitive, asked me if I still got sad that Pappaw lived with Jesus.  I explained that I was sad he wasn't here with me, but so happy that I knew he lived with Jesus and we would live together again someday.

He laid there quietly for a moment and then he said, "You know what, Mamaw?  Your daddy and my daddy are so much alike, I think they must have been brothers."

And you know what -- he's right.  Jacob is an amazing dad, he's patient and kind.  He's fun and loves to spend time with his family.   He makes them feel safe and they know he loves them.

We are so blessed to have him in our family and Sophie and Keegan are certainly blessed that he is their dad.

I know Pappaw would be proud of the man he has become.  I certainly am.

Family photos -- I could be in trouble

Here are the first three that Bree sent me to review.  I want them all. 

I may need to add a hallway to the house somewhere.

Vacay at Mamawland - Day 4

It's a short day today since the kids are going to Granna's to spend the night.  Took Sophie to summer school this morning and ended up staying and helping in her class.  Her first class was  called "Play with your Food", which she did quite nicely. 

A flag made with angel food cake and berries

 One of the parts of the food class is based on Fear Factor.  Today, we tried Horseradish on crackers.  I had never eaten it before in my life.  I think Soph liked it better than I did!

 Next, she went to Weird Science where they made outdoor cookers and ate hot dogs that they had cooked in the sun using their new ovens.  I don't think this was the proper use of the cookers, but she enjoyed this part as well.

 We also had hot dogs - albeit mummy style when we got home from school.  Keegan was a bit freaked out by the mummy exhibit he saw a couple of weeks ago at a museum, so I was trying to get past the mummy fear. He was a bit hesitant at first and wanted nothing to do with it, but once he saw Sophie, he decided to get in on the fun.

 Then we had mummy dogs all around for lunch. 

Cool Mom Points

were awarded to me last night as Jacob and I attended the midnight showing of the new, improved Star Wars 3D movie. None of the other (smart) kids wanted to go. It was only the second midnight showing of a movie I've ever been too.

Probably about 20 years ago, I went to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show with my dad at midnight. It was the last showing of it in a theater that had showed it weekly on Saturday night for years. The theater was closing, so we went to see the hoopla.

I will never forget just watching his expression as we took in all the sights of the people dressed up in costume - throwing toasts, putting up their umbrellas and such. All night long there was almost a continued uttering of, "Well, if that don't beat anything I ever did see." from him. It was hilarious.

It has been 3 years since my dad died.

Some days the weight of missing him feels likes it is crushing my heart and I can barely breathe.

Some days I can't pass a picture of him without tearing up as I touch the cold glass that covers his face.

Some days as I drive past Dairy Queen I see a vivid picture of him in my mind, buying an ice cream cone and tossing it into the back of the truck for his dog, Atticus.

Some days I laugh and some days not as I watch my kids, "take off their thumbs", a trick he did for them hundreds of times.

Some days I see or hear something funny and I know he would be throwing his head back and laughing his loud, distinctive laugh, which I miss every day.

Some days as I watch my grandkids, I can remember watching my kids do the same things, with him by my side.

Some days when I'm working on a project, my mind travels back to a time, when we would work on so many things together, having fun, no matter what we were doing.

Some days, as I struggle with my own children, I wonder how he ever put up with me.

Every day - I miss him.

Every single day.

My God Moment of the Day

The day my dad died, I sat for hours by him on the bed, holding his hand and quietly singing the song, "There will be a Day." That song has always had a special place in my heart.

When we opened the ice cream shop, Andi and Big Guy gave me a plaque, with a picture of me and my dad that read,

Bits & Pieces
established in memory of my dad
Carroll Edmondson
who loved ice cream until the day he died.

and he did. More than anyone I ever met. Every day I worked, I saw that plaque hanging by the cash register and it made me smile and think of him.

Today, I closed the shop for business for the last time. I went to my car, turned on the motor and about 3 seconds later, a song came on ~~ "There Will be a Day."

God is always there. Planning things like that to make you aware that He is indeed always with us. Caring about our feelings and sending reminders that we are never alone.

and before you know it --- she's a teenagaer!

Her hair length may change but her heart never does. She tries to do good, she loves her family and God is her best friend. She's well on her way to achieving her dreams.

I love you Carly Beth and I thank God for blessing our family with you!

2 years ago today

I held my daddy's hand as he passed away. Two years. I wasn't sure I would get through 2 hours, much less 2 years. Knowing the condition he was in, I would never wish that he hadn't died ~~ if he had to live in the same condition. But oh if he could be here and healthy, I have a list a mile long of things I would love to do with him again.

First, I would love to hear him laugh - that great big, throw back his head and belly laugh, laugh. It was amazing. Or to get to kiss the top of his head when I passed by him. Or hug him with all my strength. Or to see his face light up as the kids and I would pile out of the car and run to greet him. Or sit with him on the couch and just wrap my fingers up with his and examine the hands I remember so well. The finger with the scar across the knuckle. The one that was crooked from being broken. I loved wrapping my fingers up in his.

I would love to go to the river and skip rocks. I would love to go riding around in his old truck, a drive that would always include impromptu made up songs about sights we saw. I would love to go fly a kite, take a camping trip, have a wiener roast or watch home movies. Or ride on the back of his motorcycle, clinging to him tightly, as I did when I was a kid.

I would love to sit with him in a restaurant while he flirted with the waitresses, young and old, and while he doodled on napkins and left little cartoons behind. I'd like to sit back and watch as he entertained kids with magic or card tricks that I'd seen hundreds of time, but never figured out.

I'd love to lay in the grass and drink lemonade and talk for hours, just like we did so many times when we were supposed to be working. And I would love to even be working with him. Building something or working in the yard. I long to hear him say, "If that don't be anything I ever did see." when something went wrong.

I would cherish a picture taken as he got to hold Benjamin for the first time. Or listen to him tell people how smart Sophie is for knowing how to spell her last name. Or how fearless Keegan is and how he copies everything Sophie does.

I would gladly sit for hours and listen to the same stories I had heard a dozen times before ~ they never got old to me. I would love to open the mailbox and find a letter from him. He sometimes just sent me random letters telling me how proud he was of me or complimenting me on my parenting. Those were really good mail days.

I'd love for him to be able to make the same memories with my younger kids that he got to make with Andi and Zac. To be at their weddings. It would sure make me happy to have him at our house for holidays and family dinners, playing with the kids or even just napping on the couch. It was good to just know he was here.

And I would absolutely love for him to see the ice cream shop. I can remember going to Baskin & Robbins just about every trip we made to Evansville when I was a kid - to the Dairy Queen at Kentucky Lake every weekend when we would go boating - to Coach's Corner in Sturgis all the time for ice cream. That guy instilled a love of all things ice cream in his kids. I've never, ever, ever met anyone who loved ice cream more than he did. He would have declared having an ice cream shop in the family heaven on earth.

But things are what they are and all the wishing in the world isn't going to change that. So I have memories and lots of them to help me through the days. I have a picture of him that hangs by my back door that I see every time I leave the house. I have another picture at the shop of us together and still today, I sometimes get misty eyed when people comment on it. Truthfully, occasionally, I just downright cry.

My dad and I had a special bond. He was one of my best friends and I know he felt the same way about me. He told me so and I never doubted what he told me. He let me know a few years ago just how much my weekly visits to Illinois meant to him when he gave me this comic he had cut out of the paper.

I suppose I will miss him every day till the day I die -- but then, I will miss him no more because we will be together in Heaven ~~ and that's how I get through the days till then. Missing him, but having the assurance of seeing him again. I pray you have the same assurance regarding your loved ones.

Catching Up

In a nutshell --- Andi and Big Guy gave me this lovely plaque to hang in the ice cream shop. It says:

Bits & Pieces

established in memory of my dad

Carroll Edmondson

who loved ice cream until the day he died. As you can imagine, the tears fell freely and I was so happy to hang it where

I will see it everyday. It made the decor perfect. It's hard to explain how much my

dad loved ice cream, but without a doubt, it was his favorite food EVER.

Andie & Zac came over for a little baby shower and went home with about 20 outfits for the still unnamed grandbaby coming our way. Don't worry. I didn't make pictures of all of them. Andie is doing well and everything looks great for the baby. We are so thankful for that.

I've found a baby calendar is SO much more easy to keep filled in than a book, so Zac was happy to get that.

But he really loved these cool rainboots.

I can imagine summertime pictures in this outfit.

Sophie is getting smarter every day and will horribly dismayed to learn that although she has major plans to go to kindergarten next year, she will miss the cut off date by 15 days, making her wait another full year. I won't be sorry, but she will probably have an attitude much like

Keegan -- who loves yogurt, but NOT when he has to wear a bib.

Sunday, Bill took the kids to Holiday World while I worked on things for the shop. We have an opening date coming up real soon, so it's crunch time around here. And I don't mean the stomach type!

How we spent Father's Day

Billski is gone to a fishing tournament, which I think he does every Father's Day. Jacob is paying off a debt for an IPOD touch by texturing and painting the hallway bathroom. Despite his smile, he's really not that happy to be working all day.

The other kids are busily making Wet Burritos for Billski when he gets home. Sophie's temperature is down a bit, so she is up and about a bit.

I am missing my dad today, but am thankful that he's no longer in any pain. In the meantime, I'm thankful that my own children and grandchildren have great dads.