From out of the blue

I got this text this afternoon from Carly. I’ve gotten these kind of texts several times over the years from her.  I think this, however, will be the last one.  Whether she is truly done or not, I believe I am.  

 

A month ago, she got furious at Wes because he told me she was moving to Tennessee, and I asked her about it. I asked her because I had spoken to her the same day and she told me she had just renewed her lease. She told Wes she didn’t want me to know anything about her life. At that point, I quit asking about her life and our conversations were superficial and generic. How are you doing? Hope things are OK. That sort of thing.  

Seems I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t, but it’s much more peaceful if I don’t and I think that’s what I’m going with.

Now, for the text-

After much consideration, I've come to realize that the relationship you and I have is not one I'm willing to pursue anymore. You choose not to want to talk to me or go out of your way to want to foster a relationship, and quite And this was just an out of the blue text this afternoon 

After much consideration, I've come to realize that the relationship you and I have is not one I'm willing to pursue anymore. You choose not to want to talk to me or go out of your way to want to foster a relationship, and quite frankly I have come to accept that. I'm tired of having to be the first person to reach out to you for anything at this point.

I appreciate all the things you have done to help me through life, but it doesn't excuse the abuse that I was put through as a child/teenager that I still to this day struggle with. I am a person worthy of having a mother who wants to be an active participant in her life. Something that you've come to show me you do not want. 

I am not asking nor seeking for a pity party from you. I'm genuinely just done. I've come to accept my worth and you don't deserve me in your life. Which is pretty sad because I'm a great person. If Andi, Shaun, and everyone else chooses to stop a relationship with me, that is on them. I have no ill will for anyone including you.

I'm done. That's really all there is to it. I'll pay you the rest of the money for the car as I have been. Just tell me how much is left and I will make the payments accordingly. But after that, I don't want a relationship with you. 

Thank you for raising me. Thank you for helping mold me into the person I am today. Thank you for providing for me over the years. I will always love you. However, this life has shown that we just weren't meant to have a relationship. I've made my peace and I hope you will as well. I have come to accept that. I'm tired of having to be the first person to reach out to you for anything at this point.

I appreciate all the things you have done to help me through life, but it doesn't excuse the abuse that I was put through as a child/teenager that I still to this day struggle with. I am a person worthy of having a mother who wants to be an active participant in her life. Something that you've come to show me you do not want. 

I am not asking nor seeking for a pity party from you. I'm genuinely just done. I've come to accept my worth and you don't deserve me in your life. Which is pretty sad because I'm a great person. If Andi, Shaun, and everyone else chooses to stop a relationship with me, that is on them. I have no ill will for anyone including you.

I'm done. That's really all there is to it. I'll pay you the rest of the money for the car as I have been. Just tell me how much is left and I will make the payments accordingly. But after that, I don't want a relationship with you. 

Thank you for raising me. Thank you for helping mold me into the person I am today. Thank you for providing for me over the years. I will always love you. However, this life has shown that we just weren't meant to have a relationship. I've made my peace and I hope you will as well.

Gotcha Day 22

Carly is getting divorced

Carly has filed for divorce and has moved into an apartment by herself.  Wesley remains living with Michael.  She is doing well and is looking forward to a great future. Jacob gave her all of his furniture that he had in storage. Andi and Shaun rented a UHaul to take the furniture to her.  The UHaul had a little surprise in it that made the local news, as well as People magazine. 

Carly is a college graduate!

Celebrating with Carly

20 year anniversary

Twenty years have passed since the kids were adopted.  It’s been a wild ride, with lots of unexpected bumps along the way, but I’m blessed to be their momma!

Carly Beth

Carly's wedding

Today, my daughter, Carly,  will fulfill her dream of marrying someone who loves her just the way she is. Quite a rare blessing. I’m glad to be able to attend the wedding and watch this dream come true.

Andi & Carly

Connie, Andi and I went to visit Carly and spent the night in Cape Girardeau. 

Pappaw's Bear for Carly

I gave Carly the bear that I had made for her out of Pappaw's pajama's pants.  She loved it as much as I thought she would.

Visiting Carly

Vicki, Gwen and I went to Cape Gireadeau overnight to visit Carly and met her boyfriend, Michael. We had a wonderful visit and Carly spent the night with us at the motel.  She lives in a small house in a cute neighborhood and seems to be doing great.  I took her shopping for some clothes and to the doctor to have her arm re-xrayed.

  

A life changing email

came through last night.  An apology letter from Carly along with the hope of  gaining our trust and being part of the family again.  I hope with all my heart this works out for all of us.

Update on Carly

Carly seems to have come to her senses somewhat.  She is happy in Missouri and I don't think she will ever move back to Indiana.  She seems to have found a group of friends that she feels accepted with and enjoys living here.  

I'm happy she is happy.  Does my heart good.

Carly is moving on

In the week since Carly has been out of jail, she continues to make decisions that are just astounding. For their stupidity.  Once out of jail, she immediately got on Facebook and located her biological mother.  This woman then have her multiple possibilities of who her father might be.  One replied, so Carly is certain he is her father. He told Carly he knew she was in foster care as a child, but made no effort to get her.  Why wouldn't you want that guy for a dad? Carly see knowing wrong with that thinking though and has latched on to him and his children as her new family and favorite people. 

Carly now says she is going to move to North Carolina to live with her biological mother and the mother's girlfriend. Yes, the same biological mother who severely neglected Carly for almost 4 years, which caused Carly to have Reactive Attachment Disorder. The same woman that left Carly with people "for an hour while I run to the store" and not bother to return for her for weeks. Multiple times.  The same woman who called CPS to just come and pick Carly and Ryan up because she "just didn't want to be their mother any longer."

Why would you not want to go live with her? Right?  Even though for years, Carly has said she has zero desire to meet this woman, that she gave up the right to be her mother, now she has decided she is just an awesome woman and she wants to live with her.  And she says she is taking her deadbeat boyfriend with her.  The one who came into our home and stole prescription medicine. The 4 of them are now going to be their own little family group. 

I feel like Carly has turned her back on her entire life and family. 

Carly - out of jail but not home

Carly has decided to stay in Missouri. I have made arrangements for her to live in a group home there and they will help her get started on her adult life.  They will provide transportation to a job and such.  It's a great deal for her if she will just abide by their rules. 

Carly's still in jail

Carly has been in jail almost 2 weeks.  So many people have asked me to have her not contact them anymore. She has burned more bridges than she can imagine.

Her bail is set at $10,000 and nobody is going to bail her our because we know she would just be picked up and taken to Vincennes anyway. Which would mean she would not make her August 30th court appearance, resulting in the loss of the bail money. 

She seems determined to screw up her life and at least I know she is safe in jail.  I am legally responsible for her until she is 18, so until then, she can sit there and stay out of trouble. 

Carly's Update - not a good one

Carly came home after almost 5 months at Columbus, ready to start a new life with all the wonderful skills she had learned from intensive residential care. 

She came home on a Saturday night. July 9th was the next Sunday and we had a combination welcome home and graduation party for her.  There were about 75 people who came be to welcome her home and bring her gifts to start her life as an adult. She was the bell of the ball and everyone was so excited at how good she seemed to be doing.

We were wrong.  So wrong. She was only home for 3 days before she was sneaking around and lying. By day 9, she was caught doing something that she knew would result in her being severely grounded and monitored. 

Her answer to that situation was to steal a car and take off. I reported her missing to the police and that fact that she did not a driver's license or permission to take the car. That, of course, only made her situation worse. 

She was arrested in a small town in Missouri named Perryville.  I kid you not. Although she would still be minor in Indiana, in Missouri she was considered an adult in every way except for medical. Weird law, but I don't make it. 

She was charged as an adult with Tampering with a Motor Vehicle, 1st degree.  It happens to be a felony, with a 7 year prison sentence if she is found guilty. 

The judge of our county issued an emergency detention order for her to be picked up and taken to the Juvenile Detention Facility in Vincennes. Even if she were to be bailed out of jail, she was just be sent to another locked facility.  

Years of lies she has told are coming to light and the support system that she had when she left the treatment facility has fallen away.  People are very disappointed in her actions and manipulative ways.  

It was rather ironic that after she was picked up, but before she was actually charged, she sent me a text which read, "I'm not going to live like a prisoner anymore."   

I'm not sure how all of this will end up for Carly but it is heartbreak for his momma. 

Update on Carly

Great news just in time for Mother's Day.  The genetic testing Carly had done at the facility she is currently in will show if your body metabolizes the medicaine you take.  Her testing showed two things that will be extremely helpful in helping Calry feel better. The staff said to make sure Carly had a copy of this for every doctore for the rest of her life, so they would know how to better treat her.

One was that her body did not have enough folic acid. She will be started on a supplement, which has been shown to help depression in some cases. But the second revelation will be life changing, hopefully.

The test has a graded system that is basically Green is Great - go for it. Yellow, it sorta works, but not as well as it should and Red, which is, if you are taking the medicine in this category, you might as well be drinking water.  It would do you more good than the Red medicine. 

All 3 of the anti-depressants Carly has been on for the last 2 years are in the red zone.  Prozac, Abilify and the Effexor are all worthless as far as helping her depression.  It is as if she been totally NON medicated.  It was a relief for both of us to hear that. She is so happy to know she has not been crazy when she has told them she doesn't feel any better than she did the day she got there.   She is still majorly depressed.

Hoping and praying that they can now get her some correct medicine and she can see life is worth living. 

Residential Therapy

Today is a day that I hope will change a life, Carly has suffered from depression for years. Some days, she hides it well, but more and more lately, she has not. she has been in therapy and medication for years, however, her self destructive, self sabotaging behaviors have not improved.  They have, instead, escalated over the past few years. 

At the suggestion of multiple doctors and therapists, Carly is moving today to a treatment facility in Columbus, Indiana that we hope and pray will be life altering for her.  She will live there for about six months. This facility offers a very specialized form of treatment that we have heard and read great things about.  It is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Carly is extremely excited to go. She doesn't want to feel the way she does. She wants to be happy and mentally healthy.  Which is what everyone who knows her wants for her, as well.  It is going to be very hard on her to be away from her nieces and nephews because she adores them and they feel the same way. 

There are many people who have prayed for Carly on a daily basis over the years.  This day will be made easier with Dove chocolates, my friends and continued prayers. 

Carly

Carly has been home from Crosspointe for about a week, but isn't really feeling better about life. She was admitted to Bloomington Meadow Hospital for further treatment for depression.