It's been two weeks since dad died.

For the most part, we've been doing OK. I did tear up in Wal-Mart the other day when I bought ice cream. I don't think I'll ever buy ice cream without thinking of daddy. It was the cure all for everything in his opinion. A day without ice cream was almost unheard of. Till the day he died, if he didn't eat anything all day, when I showed up with a cup of strawberry swirl, his mouth would automatically fall open as if to say, "What took you so long?"

Our Valentines Day was spent as every one has been since our adoption 6 years ago -- watching movies of the adoption day party. This always just leads to watching home movies in general. The kids love Valentines Day for this reason if no other.

So I watched movies for 6 hours and Dad was in so many of them. Christmas videos, Easter egg hunts and birthdays all included him. The kids laughed hysterically at Andi's wedding reception video where Pappaw was holding the pinata up out of Big Guy's way while he was just swinging that stick with all his might into thin air. On a side note, if your wedding reception did not included pinatas in the park, you missed out.

Every time I would leave the room to do something it would just be a few minutes until I would hear, "Look, there's Pappaw!" The movies were an affirmation of how blessed I've been feeling.

I NEVER thought I would think of dementia as a blessing. But after his death, I saw it as exactly that. If my dad had just dropped over dead, still in his prime like he was in those movies, our family would have been devastated. As it was, we were praying for his suffering to end.

As I discussed this later that night with Vicki, I told her that I could now see how his dementia had been a gift to us. Not one he chose, but a gift just the same. Then she asked if I thought he would have chosen it.

I had already thought of that and was able to answer without pause. Yes. I think, if he thought that it would make his death easier for his family to accept, he would have gone through it all. The paranoia, the loss of his dignity, his ability to care for himself, and losing his memory -- he would have suffered through it all again for his family.

He loved us that much.