Our Adoption Story

We always knew that Andi and Zac would leave home long before Jacob was grown - or that was the plan anyway. So basically, he would be an only child from the age of 5 or so. That was NOT what we wanted for him and having delivered Zac at 27 weeks and Jacob at 35 after weeks of bedrest, I did not want to be pregnant again. Not to mention I was 36 when Jacob was born. So we decided to look into foster care.

Foster care is a strange and wonderful world. There are children who tear your heart out when they leave and then there are children that you are on the front porch waving as they leave, trying you hardest not to jump up and down and whoop with joy. When Jacob was 2 we became licensed foster parents. He turned 2 in April and we were licensed in July, 1999. When you apply to be foster parents, you get to state what ages you are willing to foster. We chose the 3 - 9 year olds. No babies. Nobody younger than Jacob, because we wanted him to be the baby of the family. We got rid of every baby item that we owned and prepared the room for older kids.

August 4, 1999 rolls around. I am standing at the island in my kitchen fixing dinner when the doorbell rings. I look down the hall, because I can see the front door from the kitchen. There stands a case worker -- holding this little baby wearing a diaper and a T shirt. I go to the door and she asks me if I will take this baby. Duh, well, of course. He was 4 months old. Not what we signed up for. So I asked what his name was. She said, "Wesley." Now, Wesley was the name I had wanted for both Zac and Jacob, but got vetoed both times. It is my absolutely favorite boys' name. We literally did not have one item in our house for a baby and Wesley didn't come with much either. A bottle of milk and the clothes he had on. So needless to say, it was a wild dash over the next few days to buy everything we had just gotten rid of - bed, car seat, swing, bottles, everything.

Wesley's birth mother is named Maggie. Maggie and I have had a strange relationship over the past years. She has at times told me she wished I had been her foster mother growing up and has at times hated me with a passion - both understandable feelings. She was also in foster care growing up. She never really had a mother and so she never really learned how to be a mother. There were times when I think that the courts weren't giving her enough credit, yet she could never hold her life together for longer than a couple of months before she would be in trouble again. Never anything major.

Maggie fought the courts every step of the way. As much as I wanted her to just give it up - I certainly admired her for not. She would always do well enough to keep the judge from terminating her parental rights. She had let another couple adopt her first child with her having visitation and as soon as the adoption was final - they took off with the child and have now disappeared entirely. I could certainly understand her not believing us when we assured her time and time again that we would never keep her from Wes. I probably wouldn't have believed me either. Wesley's birth father voluntarily terminated his rights when Wes was about 2. He told us we would always know how to get in touch with him, should Wes ever need a kidney, etc. He signed the papers, walked out the door and we have never heard from him again. Hope Wes has good kidneys!

During the next couple of years, we (I) would scour the internet looking for a sibling for Jacob. We had one set of foster children for a couple of years - the kind that ripped your heart out when they left. We had hoped and planned on them being a part of our family. But their biological grandmother (who originally placed them in foster care) wanted them back, so away they went after being with us for 2 years. She called one evening several months later and said, "I can't do this, I'm bringing them back." And she did - clothes sopping from the washing machine, just brought them and dropped them off here. She didn't have anyone's permission to do it. I called the caseworker the next day and got them put back into our custody and all was well for another year - till we were about to file to adopt them and grandmother decided she wanted them back........again. So, since she is a blood relative and we are only the people who have taken care of them, took them to the doctors, dentists, psychologists, optometrists, individual therapy, group therapy, family therapy, peer therapy, gymnastics, Boy Scouts, church and school - made sure they were fed, clothed and had good grades - attended their parent teacher conferences, fought for their IEPs, made sure they went to visits, court appointments and were well loved - well, we had no say so in the matter. It didn't matter that they considered us their mom and dad. This, despite the fact that their father signed the termination papers at our house - with them present - and discussing with them why he wanted us to adopt them. This, despite the fact that their mother also had indicated in court that she wanted us to adopt them. But that whole blood thing kept it from happening and off they went again -- back to grandmother. The children were subsequently put back into foster care after we had adopted the kids and are now both living in lock-down residential facilities. If their grandmother had not been so self-centered and worried about what people would think of her, their lives could have been so different. It is one of the saddest parts of my life - the fate of these 2 kids. It is also what has made me become a CASA - to try and make sure the children are heard.

So I continued the search for siblings. I would find someone up for adoption, run it by Bill, discuss it family members, pray over them and sometimes send our homestudy for consideration. In April, 2002, I went to an adoption fair. An adoption fair is where there are booths set up from different agencies and they have pictures and bios of children available for adoption. There was one bio I was interested in. It was a beautiful little 2 year old boy and his 3 year old sister. I took the paper home - went through the process and mailed off the homestudy. In the past, every time I did this, I got a form letter, thanking me for our interest, blah, blah, blah. Not this time. After a couple of months, we got a letter saying we were one of 5 finalists to be considered as a home for these kids. They scheduled an all day session for July 25, 2002. In the morning all the finalists would meet as a group and hear all about the kids from a panel of people who knew them. Their caseworkers, CASA workers, therapists, doctors, home aides, foster parents, Special Needs adoption experts...about 12 people in all. I looked around the room at the other couples and sized up the "competition." After listening to the panel discuss the kids all morning, I just sat in the truck and cried during the lunch break. Their needs were far greater than I could ever imagine handling. I felt that to even consider taking these children would be shortchanging Jacob and in the event we ever got to adopt him, Wesley. Bill said he supported whatever I decided because he knew that it would be me dealing with the kids every day all day long. We went through with our afternoon interview, but we left there with a sense of resignation - that we were not meant to be their parents - that these children needed a home with no other children in it - just what had been recommended by their many doctors. They needed a home where they would be the center of attention at all times in order to try and catch up with the world. These kids were so far behind developmentally they were practically newborns. We came home and I emailed all our family and friends that this was not going to happen. Thanks for the prayers anyway.

But over the weekend, God would not let those children leave my mind. Not for a second. On Monday morning I called the special needs adoption specialist with a long list of questions I had compiled. Over the next hour she patiently answered them all and when I got done talking with her I felt a bit more equipped to handle the problems we might face. So I went back to my friends and family and asked for more prayers. On Wednesday I called the head of the agency in the county they lived in and talked to her for over an hour. At the end of the time she asked if she could tell me anything else. I told her no, I thought we had covered all my questions. She informed me that there was one more thing she could tell me. That WE were the family the panel had chosen to adopt the kids. That she had been waiting to see if we had been scared off or would call back. I was speechless. These children had been featured state wide in adoption magazines. They had been on Thursday's Child - a weekly TV show spot featuring children up for adoption. There had been hundreds of families apply to adopt these children. And God chose us.

We made arrangements to go meet the kids. We had only read about them and heard about them. Now we would get to see them. The visitation plan was for Bill and I to go meet them the first week for one hour. Then the next week, do it again for a longer period. The third week we would take our family to meet them for an afternoon. Then we would take the kids up for an overnight visit in their county. After that, they would come to our house for a weekend visit. Then a week's visit. Then for 2 weeks. Then move here.

A nice, slow transition into our home over the next few months. Which was great - because we were in the middle of remodeling our kitchen. We had no cabinets - no sink - nothing and when they were scheduled to move in would be just about when we finished the kitchen and the addition of a dining room. Andi was also getting married in a few weeks so we were busy planning that. The transition plan was absolutely perfect.

As with most perfect plans - this one failed. Miserably. We did go meet the kids. For one hour. It was fine. Then the foster mother where they were placed wanted them OUT of her house. Then. So the next week, 2 weeks before the wedding, Andi and I made the trip to pick up the kids and their stuff. So much for perfect plans. Or the house being finished.

On August 15th, 2002, Carly and Ryan arrived with 13 large plastic bags of stuff. I would like to say crap, because that is what it was. It was as if the foster mother sent every dirty, stained piece of clothes she could get her hands on. We are talking about stuff that was newborn size and up. The only thing she didn't send were the new teddy bears we had taken for them as gifts. A call to the caseworker resolved that problem.

So now we have these 2 new children in the house - an unfinished kitchen and life has taken on a whole new meaning. Neither Carly or Ryan talked when they arrived. They didn't answer to their names, so changing them presented no problem. They were just a few weeks away from being 3 & 4 years old. They did not know a color, a shape, an animal, a letter of the alphabet, a number. Nothing. They did not even eat with forks or spoons. Hands only. They did not know how to dress themselves and forget potty trained. That was a joke. Talk about your work cut out for you. I took them to be tested. The test results showed they were "environmentally retarded." They had just never been taught anything. Carly was placed into a developmental rehabilitation program. Ryan did not even test high enough to be placed there. After about 3 weeks, I removed her and kept her home with me. I decided that if we were supposed to be bonding - she needed to be with me. That was the last time she was in school. I was surprised the caseworker let me do it actually. They generally aren't too thrilled with homeschoolers.

We filed our papers to adopt Carly and Ryan and had the date set for February 14th. What a lovely Valentines day gift. Then in an amazing turn of events - on December 22nd, Wesley's Guardian Ad Litem calls me and tells me that he just got off the phone with Maggie and she is giving up. She is ready to sign the papers so we can adopt him. The emotion that came over me is totally indescribable. Relief and gratitude washed over me as I cried uncontrollably. I could barely speak as I called everyone. I could not believe after all these years, she was going to do it. We set an appointment for that day - and she did it. She signed the papers terminating her parental rights and I have no doubt it broke her heart to do it. We went to court the next morning and the judge terminated her rights. Wesley was now officially free for adoption. What a glorious Christmas! Maggie and I went to an attorney and had a visitation agreement drawn up. Bill and I immediately filed the petition to adopt Wes and on February 14, 2003 we had a wonderful court date. Surrounded by family and friends and some very dedicated caseworkers, we added to our family Carly Beth, Wesley Peyton and Ryan Jackson.

We had planned a party to celebrate and after much preparation --- a huge snow and ice storm hit the day before the party. Giving away 70 pounds of fresh fruit was the next order of the day. The next weekend we gave it another whirl and this time the weather cooperated. About 200 people came out to welcome our new children and at the end of the party we had a private service dedicating all of them to God.

April 8, 2005 - As I write this today it is with amazement that both Carly and Ryan are caught up - academically, socially and personally. Carly can read, write and spell. She is a whiz at math. She has completed her Kindergarten work and is doing her first grade work. She is beautiful, joyful and full of spunk. Ryan works puzzles, does his Kindergarten work and is strong willed to the bone. They both play computer games like old pros. Although reluctant to give or accept affection for the first year, Ryan now snuggles with ease and loves to "hide" in bed when I go to tuck him in every night. Every week someone comments on how much he looks like me. I just say thanks. Wes-Man is a gift to us - both from God, but also from Maggie. I believe he would have lingered forever in the foster care system if Maggie had not made the decision she did. The boys are all the time mistaken for twins and they will just say, "we aren't twins, we're adopted!" They all love to hear the story of how they came to live with us. Wesley stills sees his birthmother and she knows -- or at least she should know - she will always be welcome in our home. Carly and Ryan's biological grandmother was not able to take them into her home, but is a terrific grandmother to ALL of the kids. Whereas she feared she would never see her own grandkids again, instead she got some extras.

Our family is complete now. It was a long, bumpy journey - but oh, so worth the ride.


Adoption Day - Zac, Wesley, Andi, Ryan, Big Guy, Carly and Jacob in front