The funeral
was wonderful - if that can be said about a funeral. I got through it without any major squalling fits because all I had to do was think of how he was in the last few months of his life and there was no way I could possibly begrudge him leaving us. Nursing home vs. God's kingdom -- a no brainer.
My older brother got up and welcomed everyone, explained what we were going to do and thanked them all for coming.
My uncle read a beautiful eulogy entitled "The Magic Man" that he had written about his big brother. It summed up dad's life perfectly and was filled with stories from their youth.
Next was a time of sharing for anyone who wanted to say anything and the first one up was my ex-husband, Steve. Steve has always loved my dad - we started dating shortly after his own had died and Pappaw just "finished" raising Steve, so to speak. His words were sweet and from the heart and despite the fact that this 6' 8" man is crying, I still held it together.
Gotta love Xanax is all I can say about that. With the xanax working it's magic on my physical being and many prayers being said, I found myself walking to the podium - something I can never have imagined doing in a thousand years. I told everyone who I was -- and that I was dad's favorite. I don't know why, but it made everyone laugh and that would have made dad happy.
I spoke a little about my dad, explaining how everyone had told me last week, over and over, "I'm sorry about your dad.", and that I had always wanted to reply, "That's not my dad." Then I read my own thoughts about my dad that I wrote last week on the night he died.
Andi stood by my side on my right and out of the crowd, emerged my friend, Vicki Alvey to stand on my left, both of them to physically and emotionally support me and to finish reading if necessary. I love good friends.
My little brother spoke next and read a letter he had written about our childhood and that made me smile. My mom told about her last conversation with my dad - after he was in the nursing home, and he had told her he was proud of all 3 of his kids.
Lastly, Big Guy stood up - totally shocking me. He has already dealt with the death of his dad and his step dad and he loved Pappaw dearly. And hates funerals with a passion. He got to the podium and then stood, unable to speak through his tears. Andi went to him and he finally spoke. He told about Pappaw and how he was the only one who could calm Sophie when she was colicky. He would just whisper in her ear and she would quiet down. He talked a bit more about things that Pappaw had done with them and then took his seat.
At last it was time for my nephew, Jeremy, to preach his message of salvation. And he crumbled like a cookie in milk. He was Pappaw's first grandchild, born before Pappaw was even 40. He was Pappaw's constant sidekick from the earliest of age - much like Sophie is to me. I'm sure he had thousands of memories comforting him over the last week.
After a few minutes he was able to begin. He held up a 5 X 7 picture, telling everyone he thought it might be the last picture of Pappaw made while Pappaw was still cognizant. Jeremy relayed how he had told Pappaw that the picture might not be that good, because Jeremy looked scruffy and it was made with a camera phone, but Pappaw had replied, "That's OK, I'll still look handsome." Oh that dad of mine was something else.
Jeremy was able to deliver a beautiful message of salvation and afterwards, as the family stood by the casket for everyone to pass by for their final good byes, Jeremy stood at the back of the room, speaking with anyone who had questions about salvation. As I hugged person after person, I noticed several people around him, talking.
A very brief ceremony at the graveside followed, where Andi finally did what I had been waiting for her to do all day -- she cried like a kid who was having their favorite plaything taken away. All along though, her tears haven't been so much for her - she has memories that will last her a lifetime. She mourns for Sophie - wondering if she will remember how much Pappaw loved her -- and how much Sophie loved him right back. She was one of his favorite topics of conversation, always telling people what that girl was up to.
So it was done finally and we were faced with the prospect of "The Family Dinner." And I was just not up for that. Instead, we headed the other way and along with the Alveys, stopped at a great restaurant we had heard about. We feasted on ribs, steaks and gater tail. Yep - gater tail. I was not that much of a fan, but everyone else liked it. I think my piece was just a bit chewy, but it taste like fried chicken. We topped it off with some of Pappaw's favorite desserts and came on home.
I did work at the youth center last night, but they closed early and I was in bed by 11. For the first time in a week, I slept all night, not even waking once - until 7:30 this morning.
My dad may be gone, but the love he had for his family lives on and I know there will be many references to him over the years. Especially funny things which will be followed with "Pappaw would have loved this."
