It's a long story

Habakkuk 2:3

King James Version
For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

New Living Translation
But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.

Contemporary English Version
At the time I have decided, my words will come true. You can trust what I say about the future. It may take a long time, but keep on waiting-- it will happen!

Easy to Read version
This message is about a special time in the future. This message is about the end, and it will come true! {It may seem like that time will never come.} But be patient and wait for it. That time will come. It will not be late.

No matter how you say it - from the oldest King James version to the newest easy to read version, the message remains the same. God has a plan for us and in His time, it will come to pass.

But let's go back to the beginning of this story.....

Thursday, April 07, 2005

say it out loud
welcome to BabyCenter!
the subject stared at me
from in my inbox.
i couldn’t stop staring back.
couldn’t open it
couldn’t wait to open it.
couldn’t believe i had signed up for the newsletter.
welcome to the preconception bulletin board!

i want this more than anything else in the world.

more than anything else in the world.
i have been in denial born of fear
for too long
the fear and the denial
end here.

end now.
i am walking the walk.
literally.

the heart whispers something long enough,
it almost seems true.
but never as true as when you say it out loud.

and so i say it out loud
here
to myself
to anyone who may actually find these words
to the energy of the universe.

call it god
call it love
call it whatever you want

i say it to make it real
more than anything else in the world


i want a baby.

And with those words, my heart started hurting for my friend, Patricia. She had married later than most people. And she wanted a baby - obviously. Since that post, Andi and I have prayed every single day - and sometimes several times a day for God to allow Patricia to become a mother.

Many times as I have mowed my dad's lawn, it was Patricia who I would take before God, pleading for him to allow Patrica to experience Mother's Day as a mom. During our Friday evening prayer services, Patricia would be the person who my prayers were being concentrated on. During our Beth Moore Bible study, we were assigned homework one week to pray for 5 specific people. She was at the top of my list -- as she was Andi's. Her desire for a baby has been a constant prayer before God.

Patricia has been nothing but great to my family. Loving us from far away and taking more interest in our life than most of our family who live close.

She was the only person I did not want to tell that Andi was pregnant the second time. She was so desperate for a child and Andi seems to have the ability to say the word pregnant and make it so.

But Patricia was so very gracious about it. Even as her posts become more and more honest about her longing for a child, she never begrudged us our happiness and has a great deal of joy in watching Sophie grow. All through Andi's pregnancy with Keegan, Patricia was praying for both Keegan and Andi.

Patricia wears a prayer box necklace and one day when she was visiting a friend in the labor and delivery ward, it slipped off and she said, "i know the necklace is just a thing. and i’m not superstitious, and i don’t freak out if i forget to put it on or anything. but it’s become this thing that i always have around.

and inside is a prayer chris and i wrote a (now) long time ago, praying for a baby. so the drama of it falling off where it did was exaggerated. pam’s sister, who knows nothing of what’s inside, said i bet that means your prayer has been answered!

the thing is, all the way home i knew she was right. i absolutely and completely believe that prayers are answered. just because it’s not the answer i want right now doesn’t mean that the answer is anything but perfect. it simply means the answer is "no" or at best, "not yet."

so i’ll re-tie the knot and take small comfort in a necklace that lays near my heart and i’ll be grateful that i’m so stubborn persistent. "

Many times since that day over 2 years ago I have read heart breaking posts of month after month going by without any progress. I have gotten emails filled with sorrow, anguish and disappointment over yet another missed opportunity.

She has undergone surgery, and many medical procedures that I'm not so sure I would be willing to go through. And through it all, she has maintained a steady faith in God's plan for her life. Although it didn't seem to be working out as she would have liked, she never blamed God for this.

Mother's Day is an extremely painful holiday for those wrestling with infertility. Patricia summed it up with:

all my plans to stay busy and not focus on it being mother's day all went up in smoke. from church to the stores to chris to my brain, i couldn't get past it.

i cried a lot, maybe i needed to. i picked fights a lot, i’m pretty sure i didn’t need to do that. all in all, it was a sucky, painful day, the details of which i will neither bore you with nor rehash for myself.

i’ve had my door closed most of the day after the first 3 people asked me, “how was your mother’s day?” granted, they don’t know what’s going on. but i’m tired of lying through tears as i keep walking down the hall so they won’t see me.

July 6th she started yet another treatment - injections of progesterone which she described as, "one that makes every single moment a freaking hallmark commercial. followed by a movie on lifetime network. with occasional glimpses of baby seals and helpless gimpy antelope being chased by a lion."

July 17th she blogged: the further i go down this path, the more i realize how far down the path i am. and that the path will come to an end at some point. it is clear to me that there is much more of the path behind me than ahead of me. that makes me sad and scared and kinda wigs me out so hey, let’s pull back from that cliff, shall we?

It was obvious to all of us who had been following this story that Patricia and Chris had just about exhausted all of their available resources and options in order to have a biological child. Their emotions had taken just about all that they could take. Your heart can only be broken so many times before you just give up.

Friday, July 27, 2007, I went to my dad's to mow and Andi called me and she was frantic. She needed Patricia's number NOW because she saw this on her blog:

sometimes...
it really pays off to be patient







Such a cryptic post - it could just be a cute picture, but it could have more meaning.

So she calls her and calls me right back, practically shouting I HAVE to call Patricia. Of course, I'm yelling right back at her, "Is she pregnant?" and all Andi will say is "Call her now!" We go back and forth several times before I finally accept she will not confirm it for me and I hang up and dial Patricia, who answers the phone with, "I got a positive test this morning."

When she told me, I just sat down and sobbed in the yard, praising God. Had I not been at my dad's, I would have actually known even sooner, for when I got home I had an email that read,

"So tell me something, can a pregnant woman eat cheese?" I had mailed her a cheese ball earlier in the week.

Patricia had been to the doctor that morning and had gotten the news, but had to go back a few days later to make sure her progesterone number was increasing as it should. However, instead of increasing as it should have, it showed a marked decrease and she had miscarried the baby.

After considering all their options available to them, they decided to keep on trying and this morning, as I was driving to Evansville, my phone rang and as I answered it, I heard, "The doctor just called, I'm pregnant." Andi and I both screamed, then cried, then laughed and cried. I don't know exactly what all these numbers mean that the doctors throw around, but this time her number is over twice what it was last time -- and that's a real good thing.

She falls into the "advanced maternal age" category, such as I was with Jacob and is over the moon with joy as she awaits the arrival of her first child. Her blog today shared her wonderful news:

12.26.2007

i got what i wanted for christmas

Big Fat Positive

lab confirmed today. i'm pregnant.

another lab friday, by which time the number must double.

please, please, please.

and thank you, God.

Please join Andi and I in praying for her to have a wonderful, enjoyable, memorable pregnancy that will end with the delivery of a healthy baby or two. She would prefer two, but at this point, she will take however many God decides to deliver!

I can't wait to hold that precious baby, who I have no doubt will be one of the most well loved children ever born.

Patricia, I love you and my heart is overflowing with joy for you and Chris.