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Ryan is no longer going to be in public school. There's a good chance he's not going to be happy about that so it's just as well that he will find out when I visit him this afternoon and then the therapists can deal with the fallout. Bill and I had a family therapy session with Ryan at 8 this morning. After he left the room, we discussed school stress for Ryan with the social worker.

As she pointed out there are times when children must be good and if Ryan is feeling pressured to be good during the time he is at school, that is why he starts blowing up as soon as he gets home -- where it's safe to do so. Now maybe he can just deal with his frustration as it comes rather than letting it build up till he explodes.

It's not as if his grades were great - he was getting mostly C-s while in total special ed classes. He can easily do that at home with a lot less stress on him. In the last year, since he entered school his behavior at home had really gotten much worse, so I am hoping this will help improve things.

The social worker -- who was a wonderful, Christian lady -- read aloud all of Ryan's case notes to us and he is the same there as he is most everywhere. Reclusive and not interacting with the other kids. He refused to participate in an outside group activity yesterday involving exercise (he probably gets that from me).

He started his new medicine this morning and the doctor had an EKG run yesterday on Ryan. The results of that were abnormal, so we are waiting to hear his thoughts on why that might be.

As I re-read over Ryan's adoption file last night, I was just getting madder and madder at his biological parents. I know I originally said that I blamed her prenatal drug use for about 95% of his problems, but the more I read and remembered, I would probably adjust that to about a 50% blame -prenatal and the rest on his first 3 years of life where he suffered such severe neglect.

As I read about how Ryan was found eating dog food and how when he was taken to DCFS office he was so starved he literally was shoving food into his mouth until he would vomit, it made me want to track down his birth mother and beat the crap out of her. Not a very Christian attitude I know -- but that's how I felt. If she were to show up on my doorstep today, I'm not too sure I could guarantee her safety for the things she's done to my son.

Jacob was reading some of the things with me and was amazed at the tests showing how delayed both Ryan and Carly were at age 3. He was comparing them to how Sophie and Keegan are and the things they can do and it really sunk in the difference that love and attention make on the first 3 years of a child's life. I think it gave him a new understanding for Ryan and his limitations and just how much they both have overcome already.

Lots to be thankful for this Thanksgiving and that God chose me to be Ryan's mom is right at the top of my list.