My first visit with Ryan

took place with us sitting between a lit Christmas tree on one side of us and a Thanksgiving cornucopia on the other. An odd way to start a post but my other option was "Day One as the mom of a 10 year old currently residing in a locked psychiatric ward." And that doesn't sound too upbeat, now does it?

The day has passed in a blur of calls from social workers and other workers at the hospital. Answering the same questions 2 more times today that I answered yesterday made me wonder if they didn't ever speak to each other and what exactly was the purpose of typing all those answers into the computer yesterday?

I talked to Ryan's psychiatrist this afternoon for about an hour -- after he had just spent a long time with Ryan. I gave him much of the same information I had already given and listened as he typed it into his notes. He has some good insight on Ryan and I liked him. He is changing Ryan's short term Ritalin to a long acting med for ADD. As it is, Ryan is able to function better taking the medicine, but then when it wears off, he gets more frustrated easier. This way, hopefully, it will cover the majority of the time Ryan is awake and help him be able to focus on what he's trying to do.

The doctor is not sure if it's good for Ryan to attend school or not. We are going to be discussing that further. Ryan spends his morning trying so hard to be "good" and not do anything wrong at school that by the time he gets home at noon, he has bottled up everything that has frustrated him all day and he thinks that may be why he explodes so easily from the moment he gets home. It might be better for him to be at home so that he can vocalize his frustration and deal with it as it comes.

The word autism has already been brought up regarding Ryan and that isn't surprising since there was some concern he was autistic before we ever adopted him. He had a confirmed diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder and Atypical Attachment Disorder. The doctor said that with Ryan's ADD and his prenatal drug and alcohol exposure, his maturity level couldn't be expected to be over that of a 5 year old. I would never have thought that but it is what it is. We are going to deal with everything as it comes, the best way we can for Ryan.

The doctor did allow me to go visit Ryan this evening and he was glad to see me. He liked his room, the food and all of the staff. Amazingly, he told me he was happy that he was there. He had enjoyed all of the therapy today and was able to tell me what a lot of it involved.

I was telling him how the kids and I all gathered to pray for him at 9 this morning when we knew he was beginning his first therapy. I started to tear up a little and he told me to not cry -- that everything is going to be OK and he knows when he leaves he will know how to be happier.

I made him a word search puzzle using Puzzlemaker and the name of it was "People Who Love Ryan." He was able to rattle off quite a few names that were on the puzzle right off the bat. I can't wait for him to tell me about all of the cards I know he's going to be getting. He will be SO excited. I told him I brought him one from the kids and he mentioned it about 5 times during our hour visit. So when he starts getting cards from all over the country and other countries as well, he's going to flip out -- (in a good way.) A little bit of psych humor there.

Our Thanksgiving plans keep getting changed. This year we were going to do something different. We had planned to go see A Christmas Carol and then go eat at Golden Corral. No cooking at all. No clean up and popcorn all around. I was all geared up for that idea. Maybe because it was mine.

Now, Bill and I will go eat a turkey dinner with Ryan at 11. Afterwards, we will continue with our original plans. When Ryan is discharged -- preferably on the day he is discharged -- he and I will have an instant replay of what he is missing on Thursday. He's OK with that, because even though he directs a lot of his anger at me, he also directs a lot of the love he is able to display toward me as well.

I am very hopeful that this will be just what Ryan needs in order to be the happy kid I know he wants to be. Thank you all for the kind comments, emails and calls. Thank you for sending Ryan cards and pictures and love. Thank you for your prayers.

I'm closing this post with a scripture my friend, Misty sent me. Misty's mom passed away last week and yet this week, she is reaching out to comfort others. I count among my many blessings this Thanksgiving some pretty awesome friends and she would be one of them.

As the clay is in the potter's hand, so are my children in the hands of the Lord. Jeremiah 18:6

Amen and God bless.