A little slow on the uptake

First, I think there should be a disclaimer here of sorts - something along the lines of *** I am a person with good common sense and above average intelligence. *** There. Now I feel better telling you how clueless I can be at times.

First though, I'm going to confess this little deception. Not that I'm Catholic and by that I'm not saying that Catholics are deceptive, but that was a reference to the whole confession thing. Are you still with me? OK, on to my confession...

A few months ago, Billski took an online IQ test and scored well. So well, in fact, that he immediately started bugging me to take it to see if he was smarter than I am. He's not, but that could just be my opinion. But the opinions in this blog are all mine anyway, so that one is too. If he wants to state otherwise, I guess he has to start his own blog. On my blog - I'm smarter.

Anyway, he asks me repeatedly to take this test. I really didn't want to but he just wouldn't let it go. He was getting ready to head to Wal-Mart, so I finally agreed to take the test. I started it and you could just see the gleam growing in his eye that he was going to put me in my place - down the IQ ladder rung of life.

He had done his when nobody was home, so I told him I would be done when he got back but I needed to be left alone so I could think. He left and I did exactly what pretty much anyone with a person of my IQ would do - I cheated. Whew, confession over with.

I pulled up the test answers in another window and proceeded to "take" the test - checking my answers as I went along. In all honesty - if there is such a thing as getting someone to believe that you are being honest in the same paragraph you are confessing to cheating - I only changed 2 of my answers based on the "helper" test results, so I did OK on my own, but I don't know what my actual number would have been.

So based on my answers and 2 of some unknown person, the great calculator of cyber space spit out my IQ number and I closed up the cheater window and waited for my smug husband to return. Which he did - and before he even got the milk put away, he was asking to see my test results.

Oh, it was a moment of pure Academy Award winning beauty as I told him I didn't want to show him. He insisted. I said, "Let's just forget it." Nothing doing. I pleaded, "Really, it's just a silly test." He would have none of it - he wanted to see my results. Needed to see them. Needed to say "AH HA! I knew it!" -- at least in his mind. We went back and forth for several minutes and finally he said for me to show him the test, he promised he wouldn't say anything bad about it.

So I did. I flipped open that window which showed my IQ a good bit higher than his and I just watched his reaction. I wish I had that on film for you to see. It was priceless. He turned several shades of various colors, starting with all color draining from his face and then pink, red and finally back to his normal sorta tan color. I just sat there in silence, smiling sweetly and innocently at him, while muttering things like, "I really had no idea it was THAT high, did you?" Finally, he spoke, "That's good." And with that, he turned and walked away.

End of story? Not quite. I, of course, told Vicki and then I told Andi who told Big Guy and over the next several days they managed to work it into several conversations - just to watch him squirm. It was so funny to watch him come up with nice things to say when he would be asked things about how lucky he was to be married to someone so smart. He's so funny. You would think a man of his intelligence would know I cheated. Heck, come to think of it, for all I know, he cheated as well.

So there you have it. He tells me he reads my blog, so I suppose we shall see. If you do, then consider this my apology, Billski. It was just a joke - sorta like that time I used fishing line to tie miniature plastic fruit to all your orchard trees to make you think you finally had fruit growing after years of waiting. Remember that? Oh, that was funny, wasn't it? To see you jump out of your truck and take off running toward those pitiful fruit trees because you could see "a little something" from the driveway as you passed them. I smile now, even as I recall the look on your face when you got there and saw the little apples and pears weren't quite as tasty as you were envisioning.

Or remember the time that just to prove what a sound sleeper you were, I used a permanent blue marker and painted all your toenails while you were sleeping. I really didn't know that you would have to take your socks off in front of anybody before it faded- really. But that was funny, huh?

And so was this. I started out to tell you how clueless I was, but this post has gotten rather lengthy, so I suppose I'll just save that for another day. I've waited this long to put it into writing - another day isn't going to hurt anything.