Knot exactly what I wanted to hear

I went to the doctor yesterday to have some cysts cut out of my scalp. I've been putting this off for some time 3 years because I had one done before that was right on the top of my head. Although Andi really liked practicing her acupuncture skills on it and would just stick needles in my little knot and then clap her hands excitedly, the day came when it had to go.

This day was the morning I woke up looking like I had just undergone a face lift gone way wrong. The thing had swelled overnight and pulled my face so tight, I could hardly blink and my eyebrows were dangerously close to my hairline. Perhaps Most likely it had something to do with 387 needle punches into it - I don't know for sure and didn't really care to ask. So off to the doctor I went.

After cutting this thing out, the doctor left my scalp sliced open about an inch and a half and packed it with a gauze strip that stuck straight out the top of my head. Think human candle and you get the idea of what I looked like. Then my head was wrapped in enough gauze rolls that I looked like I had just undergone a lobotomy. (don't say it)

Every day for the next week after this procedure I had the "pleasure" of pulling about an inch of gauze strip out of the top of my head, cutting it off and rewrapping my head - till all 8 inches of gauze was removed from my scalp. I bought myself a cute, floppy, sun hat but quickly realized I looked even more stupid in that thing than the neurosurgery look. After a few days, I ditched the rolls of gauze and went for a "ball cap" bandage.

Which brings me yesterday and the validation for why I've waited so long to go back and have another one removed. I had done my research, calling every single one of the doctors on my approved surgeon list and finding only one that would do the deed on the first visit.

I didn't want to go for a consult, only to be told to come back to the office on another day. I knew what needed to be done - really nothing I needed to talk about and ponder. When I get a babysitter, I like for it to be for fun things, not this type of thing. If you've ever paid a babysitter for four kids, you totally understand this reasoning.

So Dr. Do it the Same Day comes in and after feeling my noggin all over tells me that not only will he not do it that day, but that I have to go to the surgery center to get it done so that they can better control excess bleeding. I thought I had any problem of excess bleeding taken care of today simply by the fact I wore a maroon colored shirt to hide it. But no -- since the scalp is so vascular and I have three of these knots to get rid of, Monday, I will, in fact, go again.

I'm lead to the next room where I got to sit across from the nurse of Dr. Lied to Get Your Business, who made lame jokes about me being a knot-head, but not to worry because Monday I would be a numb-skull. You gotta appreciate scalp humor. Or not. I fell into the not (or KNOT) category.

So next week if you see me walking down the street looking like Super Bandage Head, not to worry. It's all good.

If I ever lose my hair, I won't have any knots showing, just little scars with tiny strands of gauze suspiciously sticking out of them.