Computer questions I am qualified to answer... Unfortunately

Question #1
Dear Perri, I have tried every button on my printer and it won't work. I have checked the cable, checked the connections to the computer, checked the plug-in and it all seems to be in working order. What else can it be?

Dear Gentle Reader, It has been my experience today to find out that a "left over from the Easter basket" lemon Mike and Ike stuck down in it will certainly bring things to a grinding halt. Upon removal and restarting it, things should be fine.

Question #2
Dear Perri, I just installed a new CD recorder on my computer but when I opened it to use it there was an orange sticky substance where the CD should go. What can that be?

Dear Gentle Reader, "Kraft American Slices is your culprit" said the voice of experience.

Question #3
Dear Perri, In reference to Question #2, how do I fix the new CD recorder?

Dear Gentle Reader, You don't. You replace it and in anticipation of your next question - NO, it's not covered by your warranty.

Next question please.

Oh - and when Repairman Bill is muttering at you about "showing your appreciation" - do not expect him to be impressed with the offer of the Mike and Ike from the printer.