So much to do

I've never dealt with the aftermath of someone dying from the standpoint of taking care of their business. When my dad died, my brother, David did all that stuff.  We had the arrangement while daddy was alive, that he did business stuff, I did health stuff.  That worked great.

In this case, there is no other person to help.  His brother and sister met me at the funeral home last week to give consent for Bill's body to be released to us. They left with promises to keep in touch.

This week I have dealt with the coroner, the funeral home, the police, the cable company, post office, phone company, water and light company.  I have talked to his employer several times. Put obituaries in the papers and began the process of dealing with his personal property.

I've talked to our attorney, the bank, his investment broker, the county clerk and recorder,  the Veteran's Department, the Social Security Department and the place he stored his boat.  I've been in contact with the company that insured his boat, his truck and his life.

Now the forms are coming in and the process will begin to wrap up his life. My emotions are all over the place. I feel like I'm bi-polar on an hourly basis.  In my mind sometimes, I still picture the Billski I fell in love with so many years ago.  I can see him, clear as a bell, coming up the stairs to my apartment, smiling at the sight of me. Every few days there would be a "surprise prize" waiting on me when I got home from work.

I remember how excited he was to get married and to have Andi and Zac as his family. I thought our world was complete. After a few months of dating, when he "fell" off the couch - I literally thought he fell, but he was just getting on one knee to propose - I remember thinking we would be happy forever. And loved just as long.  When I remember THAT Billski, I get very angry at him.

Somewhere along the lines, Bill withdrew from us. Became a loner.  The last year we were married, he started drinking. Something he had never done before in the entire time I knew him. He was drinking on a daily basis. He would just sit alone in his tv room, brooding and drinking. The kids tried their best to avoid him. He would not discuss what was bothering him. With me or anyone else.

I don't know all of the demons he was wrestling, but I hope in death, he finds the peace that alluded him in life.