Tuesday

marks the one year anniversary of my dad's death. I don't know what I think is going to happen on that day - will my grief suddenly end? I highly doubt it. Will I miss him any less that I do every day? No way. The only think that I can imagine happening is that there will be no more "firsts." No first birthday without him. No first Christmas. No first Father's Day. All of that will be done.

I've been trying to not dwell on it. Keeping busy. I'm actually going to Ohio tomorrow to go to IKEA for my first IKEA time. My minister's wife, Sandy and the children's minister, Lynne and I are heading out bright and early. I have wanted to do this for years, so it really couldn't be on a better day. I think it's neat that they had no idea what was coming up when I was invited. That will take all day and then it will the day. I've planned a couple of things on that day as well to make the day pass quicker.

It's not that I'm sad - as in I wish Daddy were back here. I would never wish the hell he was living in on anyone. I would just like to sit under a tree with him, drinking lemonade, while we were supposed to be working and listen to him tell me the same stories I'd heard a hundred times before. Or hear him tell me one more time that he loves me. Or watch him throw back his head and laugh out loud at something one of the kids did.

As I was in the shower this morning, I was thinking of him and planning how I would get through the next two days with the best possible attitude. I stood there with shampoo running down my face, mixing with my tears and as they both rinsed away, I saw this label on the back of my conditioner bottle.

I thought I might have to say something like put shampoo in your eyes - or cry -- or take off you bifocals so that you could see what was an answer to my wondering. But as I was typing this post, Wesley walked by and with one glance at the picture, said, "Wow, cool. Jesus is on that bottle." So we may be the only two people that see it, but it was just the reassurance that I needed at that moment. Thank you for ALWAYS being with me, Jesus.