You know you're a redneck if

you have a riding mower hanging from your tree. Or two. With another one broke down under "that tee yonder" that you keep around for parts.

Using this definition, my dad is a redneck. He is 68 years old, lives in an old farmhouse on 5 acres of rough, hilly, rooty, rutty, holey, stump filled land. And I mow his yard for him.

Not even one time last year did we get through a day of mowing without having to stop and work on a mower, air up a tire, charge a battery or replace a broken belt. And the nearest belts were 40 miles away. His mowers are old and need tune-ups. You have to get off the mower and kick the gear shift to get it into reverse. The seat lost it's padding long ago. They sputter, backfire and are dang near impossible to turn. At the end of every mowing day, I felt like I had been beat just from the burning in my shoulders of trying to control the mower for hours.

We've mowed twice this year. Both times something broke. Which means we have to get the truck, tie the tow rope to the mower, hook it up to the truck and then use the truck to pull the mower upright so we can get under it to work on it. As I stood around the other day surveying the property, I couldn't help but comment, "Yep, it's summer. Mowers in the trees as far as the eye can see."

When I talked to my dad Monday night he told me he had a "little somethin" for me -- it was being delivered Tuesday morning at 9.

When I drive up that long driveway Tuesday morning, I see it. My "litle somethin."A thing of beauty. A dream come true. A sight for sore eyes. Insert any similar phrase you want right here - you get the picture. I was jumping for joy inside.

I don't know if the guy delivering mowers had ever had someone exit a vehicle and kiss the hood of the mower. I don't care. It was just gut reaction. Then I listened intently to the tutorial on how to use the cruise control. Yes, cruise control. And the reverse pedal. Yep -- a real live pedal -- no kicking required. Or how to adjust the arm rests and cushy seat. And if I want to charge my cell phone while I mow, just plug that in too. This mower has the widest deck and the biggest motor they had. I learned how to hook up the water hose to the deck and let it wash out all the grass underneath.

I kicked the tires - they were full of air. I turned the key - the engine purred. I let off the parking brake, took off, set the cruise control and tooled around that yard mowing like it was as flat as a football field.

It was great! You can only truly appreciate how great it was if you know how awful the "old way" way. Life just suddenly got much easier for both of us. And I'm good with that.