And then there were 4

In my mind, I had already converted my family from six people to five, knowing Bill was going to be moving soon.  However, I wasn't thinking it would be going smaller than that until sometime in 2016, at the earliest, when Jacob moved out.

I was wrong.

Last night I was made aware of an incident involving Ryan.  I reported him to the police and CPS removed him late last night. 

He freely admitted what he had done and when I told him he was done living here, his only comment was, "Can I take my Spiderman movies?"

Can you say Reactive Attachment Disorder? 

Common signs and symptoms of reactive attachment disorder

• An aversion to touch and physical affection. Children with reactive attachment disorder often flinch, laugh, or even say “Ouch” when touched. Rather than producing positive feelings, touch and affection are perceived as a threat.
• Control issues. Most children with reactive attachment disorder go to great lengths to remain in control and avoid feeling helpless. They are often disobedient, defiant, and argumentative.
• Anger problems. Anger may be expressed directly, in tantrums or acting out, or through manipulative, passive-aggressive behavior. Children with reactive attachment disorder may hide their anger in socially acceptable actions, like giving a high five that hurts or hugging someone too hard.
• Difficulty showing genuine care and affection. For example, children with reactive attachment disorder may act inappropriately affectionate with strangers while displaying little or no affection towards their parents.
• An underdeveloped conscience. Children with reactive attachment disorder may act like they don’t have a conscience and fail to show guilt, regret, or remorse after behaving badly.

And Carly has this diagnosis as well.  That knowledge scares the crap out of me.  All day my mind has been flashing back to Ryan as a freckled face obstinate toddler to the teenager he is today.  I know in my heart that really there wasn't anything else we could have done for Ryan.  Years of doctors, therapists, medicines and in patient residential treatments have failed to undo what early childhood neglect did.

So although my anger is intense ~~ my heart is broken.   The man that I wanted Ryan to become does not appear to be a possibility.

26 months ago, when we first got a diagnosis of RAD on Ryan, our family was in shambles from his actions.  Long term residential psychiatric treatment did not fix his problems ~~ they were there all along, simmering and waiting to be revealed again.

There will not be another chance here for Ryan.  The safety of the other children in our family has to outweigh him living here. As he left at 11:52 last night, he had already totally disengaged himself from our family.  His last words to me were, "Bye, Perri.  Thanks for all you did for me."  And he walked off without so much as a backward glance.

This was not the future I envisioned for him when we adopted him 10 years ago, but it is the reality of the circumstances he has created for himself.

So now we are four.