1.) I am so grossed out

2.) If only someone had taken me up on my offer....
3.) Of all the things I've seen in my life...
4.) Thank God for Pergo floors.......
5.) Never in a million years.......

Any of these could have been the title of this blog post, so I think I'll just start if off by saying --- If only someone had taken me up on my offer on Facebook when I openly invited anyone to come steal the dead deer hanging from the tree in our yard yesterday, then I wouldn't be writing how never in a million years would I be thanking God for Pergo floors like I am today because I am so grossed out by what I saw when I came in from basketball practice and of all the things I've seen in my life, this was the grossest.

I walk in and all the kids had gone in ahead of me and are standing around IT - in a circle of puzzlement looking between IT and me. So I asked what they were doing since it resembled some bizarre ritual and then they part and I see what they see -- only I recognized it immediately for what it was.

Pounds -- and I literally mean pounds of dog puke and crap on the floor. Not just dog puke mind you, but deer meat puke from the deer leg that Billski thought Atticus would enjoy gnawing on. Had I known this, you can be sure the dog would not have been in the house -- perhaps ever again.

I will spare you the picture (except for Andi and Heidi) because frankly, it was disgusting, as you can well imagine. Poor Jacob held the bag as I shoveled --- yes, SHOVELED --- the kitchen floor clean with a snow shovel. Then we scrubbed it clean. For some bizarre reason which I can only attribute to the goodness of God, none of it had any smell and that was the best thing that happened to me today. Not the mess - but the lack of smell. Trying to find the positive in the midst of the crap. Such is life.

Edited to add: In Bill's defense, when he got home from work, he said he just gave Atticus a small bone and the dog must have gotten into the remains when he got out of the fence. Seems Atticus had his Thanksgiving feast a week early. Normally, the "remains" would have been in the back of the truck, except they weren't because I was driving the truck since my van is once again in the garage. Hopefully getting fixed, but the check engine light was flashing, the engine coolant light was on, and it had a top speed of about 35 mph. I'm thinking that can't be good.