Court with Ryan

Ryan has been discharged and is now living in South Bend with Mike, the potential adoptive placement for him. His discharge summary from the treatment facility doesn't sound much different than his admission papers.

"Ryan has difficulty understanding the significant affect his actions have on relationship dynamics."

"Ryan views himself as a victim of unfair treatment which leads to arguing and complaining. This presents a barrier to Ryan taking full responsibility for poor choices, and he frequently blames others for escalating situations which result in violence."

"At times Ryan was able to express understanding that he is responsible for rule breaking and aggressive behaviors and how they negatively affect his life and relationships with others. However, Ryan also rejected these facts at times by minimizing the harm caused by his part actions and displaced responsibility onto others. Ryan tends to become aggressive verbally or behave in intimidating ways when he does not get what he wants. Ryan often exhibits a pattern to exert power and control in relationships. Ryan will need to decrease defiant and argumentative behaviors in order to develop healthy, reciprocal relationships. If Ryan continues to have limitations to these skills, placement in a foster home would likely be difficult."

Ryan went to his foster home with a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Persistent Mood Disorder and Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  I think it would be almost impossible for anyone to overcome all of that.

I try to not have my feelings hurt when I read elsewhere in the report that Ryan told Mike, "I'm 16 years old and this is the first time I've ever felt like I had a home."  Really? His first home. Not sure what he considered the 10 years he lived here.  Motel 6?  I don't know. There was also a sentence where Ryan said he had a bad dream that I came to get him.  He can rest easy - that won't be happening.

However, my kids at home have had that same bad dream, so they are relieved he moved further away and not closer. I think deep down they always wondered if I would let him come here again.  Absolutely not.  He has harmed enough people in this family. I won't give that opportunity to him again.

We don't go back to court till May and by then, Mike will be ready to adopt Ryan or else, Ryan will be somewhere else. Just not here.